Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
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