soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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