I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Randomize
