i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
