we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Randomize
