Christians are straight up FREAKS
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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