one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
