why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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