Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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