Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
