dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
