fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
My pussy is not your playground.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
