remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Randomize
