there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
