I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Be still, my beating vagina.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Randomize
