My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I don't deserve a penis
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
