i wish starbucks made bloody marys
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
