I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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