This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Well I just put wine in my tea
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Randomize
