so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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