Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Randomize
