Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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