You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Randomize
