they need to just BURY HIM!
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Randomize
