Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
