You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
