she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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