What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
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