You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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