he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Randomize
