Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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