I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
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