Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
