I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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