I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
