Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
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