they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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