I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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