I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
