sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
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