You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Welp...herpes.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Randomize
