Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
