so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
