I wish I could punch you in the face.
I think I died a long time ago.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
