bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I could fuck to npr.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
