why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Randomize
