I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Randomize
