already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
