If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Randomize
