Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
