You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
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