I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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