I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
i believe in u and ur pee
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